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What I believe

I am one of those people who believe that life is a journey. I hope you will share my journey in my book ‘The Price of Wisdom’
In my book I write about how I was affected by the war. Being a war baby, I was deprived from the love that I needed to grow into a person with a healthy personality. I spent most of my life trying to compensate for the lack of love that a small child needs to grow to realize their full potential.
I don’t blame anyone, because I believe, that we are all victims of victims.
My experiences have made me aware of how most of us humans are looking for ‘peace of mind and fulfilment’ If a child is deprived of high quality love in the first three to five years of their life. They have a low self-image; their thinking patterns become compulsive and negative.
I was always waiting and wanting something or someone to make me feel fulfilled.
‘If I had the perfect relationship, the perfect job, the perfect weight, more money, if I was educated, and if my husband stopped drinking. I would be happy’.
Then one day, I learnt that it was my subconscious thoughts that were creating my life. The deep thought patterns that were taught to me by the people I grew up with. The low self-esteem that came from the past that have been handed down from generation to generation, the same old gramophone playing over and over in my head; Your not good enough, you will never find someone to love you, you’re not pretty enough, not slim enough, not cleaver enough. You’re no good, you’re a failure. These thought patterns were locked in my subconscious mind.
I believe that 90 per-cents of people to day are creating their life by their thinking patterns and this mind disorder deprives us from the now, the place where the vibrancy is, the freshness of the new day, the sense of wonder. This way of thinking covers the reality of the now. Therefore the mind creates an obsession with the future just to escape the unsatisfactory presence. I have heard it said; ‘You’re not what you think you are, but you are, what you think.’
I was like that; I looked for fulfilment in relationships, including my children’s. I wrote in my book how I was lost and became one of life’s victims.
The experiences that gave me the worst time were the ones that made me look even harder.
You can read about my recovery from my emotional injuries in my book.
One of the most difficult times in my life was living with a person whose drinking was excessive. The personality change broke my heart. One minute I was loved, then the next I was ignored. It was many years before I became well enough to leave. I must have been in some kind of bondage because I had a fear of being on my own.
Eventually, after attending many Al-anon meetings and with the help of my higher power I found the strength to leave. I thought, now I am no longer in a dysfunctional relationship my life would be better. Not so, It was then I had to face my own demons. I lost the man I loved, along with my children, my home and business partnership. I lost everything I loved. I hit the rock bottom of my life.
I continued going to the meetings. I had nowhere else to go. There was a lot of love in those rooms. The love and support of the members helped me get through my fear of survival and isolation.
After a long and winding road I decided to work the twelve steps recovery programme that came from the A.A (Alcoholics Anonymous) I worked the steps one by one with the help of sponsors, A higher power and meetings. When I got to my twelfth step, I had the spiritual awakening as promised. It was if a trap door opened and I found another way to think and be. I acquired the wisdom that I had been looking for all my life. The wisdom that helped me to make the right choices and how to think positive and become conscious of what I’m thinking.

Negative energy

I believe that all the suffering and pain that comes from wars. All the crime and torturing, all the child abuse, all the heartbreaks from broken marriages, all the people that suffer with illnesses, and addictions, creates a dark energy and this energy is in the atmosphere. Itís a negative energy. I have to say that I believe this energy has intelligence, and is an entity of its own right. This so called entity clings to us; it feeds on the negativity thatís in our subconscious minds like Fear, worry, blame, revenge, sadness, despair and guilt. If you have additions of any kind this negative energy is there getting its strength on our disease.
I also believe that there is the opposite of this negative energy, which is Ďpositive energyí Creation! All that is good and beautiful. When you look around, you can see this wonderful creative energy in nature and new born babies. It expresses itís self in joy, laughter and music. This positive energy is the light, ĎGodí if you like, itís everywhere. Itís stronger and more powerful than the dark side. When you turn on a light, immediately the dark is gone. This dark side and light side cannot be together at the same time.
Itís my belief, that there is a spiritual warfare going on in the world with this positive and negative energy. Some people say that there are demons. Some people say itís the devil. When you look at the wars and the bombing and all the suffering that goes on, I have to agree, that there is an evil side to life.
I have written about this negative entity in my book. I believe that all the alcoholism and addicts are possessed with this dark negative energy. It talks to their mind and comes in through the ego.
When I worked the twelve steps of A.A., I became aware of this disease working in my mind. It was constantly reminding me of the struggles I had and making me feel angry and blaming others about the things that didnít go my way. Working the twelve steps helped me get it arrested, so to speak.
What I did was let go of the past and all that was connected that was negative. I learned to forgive and make aments to all those that I had harmed. With the help of my higher power, I learned how to live a day at a time. I learned to become conscious of my thinking and when the old thought patterns came up; Ďwhich they will, because the dark side is always looking for a way to get you into itís powerí I focus on the moment, I donít look back and I keep the future, in the future. This is how I live, in the light. I believe the moment is where God is, and thatís where I choose to stay.
I was born at a time when this dark side of life was very active. But we won the war, we were victorious. The good conquered the bad so to speak. I believe that this spiritual war is still going on. If you can learn to be conscious of the negative entity working in your minds, then you will be bringing it into the light where it will have to disappear. If you want to know more about how to work the twelve steps of recovery that come from the AA (Alcoholics anonymous) You can buy my book ĎThe Price of Wisdomí It is easy reading , which doesnít intellectualise recovery. You can buy a copy from this websitehere.